How To Escape The Stress of Bitterness
Unforgiveness and bitterness are the real reasons for most stress in people’s lives. Spread that across a nation and you have rage and hatred destroying the land. God’s solution is the only way to release the over whelming pressure that crushes you, your family, your friends and your country.
America is torn apart after being inflamed by hatred, slander, and bitterness has poisoned the country. Christians, true Christians, must know the simple to understand way of escape. But, beware, it is difficult to accomplish!
In a previous command Jesus said…
Matthew 5:23-24 GW [clear our conscience and restore fellowship]
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember there that another believer has something against you, [24] leave your gift at the altar. First go away and make peace with that person. Then come back and offer your gift.”
Now Jesus also commands us to deal with the other side of the conflict also…
Matthew 18:15 GW [help an offending brother clear his conscience, restore]
“If a believer does something wrong, go, confront him when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won back that believer.”
WE ARE COMMANDED TO TAKE THE INITIATIVE IN EITHER CASE WE EXPERIENCE
Privately Go to Those Who Offend You and Reconcile
When we are offended…
– the temptation is to wait for the offender to come to us and make it right
– this puts you in trouble trying to forgive and overcome bad feelings of anger and bitterness
– we cannot stop the hurts of our hearts James 3:8 Yet, no one can tame the tongue. It is an uncontrollable evil filled with deadly poison.
– friend asks what is wrong – you say…, and then violate – go to him alone
– this action deepens the rift by being distorted by hard feelings and circulating rumors and back biting
– now the offender picks out something not true you have said and harden his heart and have an offense against you
– he will focus on your wrong, excusing his guilt, and now justifies his offense
Now Comes The TEST, WHO IS MORE SPIRITUAL?
Galatians 6:1-3 GW
Brothers and sisters, if a person gets trapped by wrongdoing, those of you who are spiritual should help that person turn away from doing wrong. Do it in a gentle way. At the same time watch yourself so that you also are not tempted. [2] Help carry each other’s burdens. In this way you will follow Christ’s teachings. [3] So if any one of you thinks you’re important when you’re really not, you’re only fooling yourself.
/ This includes the matter of reconciliation
– the more spiritual initiates, if you wait for the other you are proud
/ EXAMPLE – God is greatly offended by our rebellion and sin against Him
– But He took the initiative [Romans 5:8 Christ died for us while we were still sinners. This demonstrates God’s love for us.]
– when you go [gently] tell them in a way that restores your fellowship
How To Remove Hurts SO That You Can Go to offenders
1/ If you go to an offender full of anger or bitterness you will increase the conflict
– many offenses are verbal attacks
Psalm 64:3 GW They sharpen their tongues like swords. They aim bitter words like arrows.
– most offenses come from unexpected people Psalm 41:9 GW Even my closest friend whom I trusted, the one who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.
Psalm 55:12-14 GW If an enemy had insulted me, then I could bear it. If someone who hated me had attacked me, then I could hide from him. [13] But it is you, my equal, my best friend, one I knew so well! [14] We used to talk to each other in complete confidence and walk into God’s house with the festival crowds.
“…it is unruly evil, full of deadly poison” [James 3:8]
– poison venom releases a negative electrical charge to the blood stream
– neutralized quickly with a harmless, high voltage, low current electrical charge to the area of the bite
– venom of a curse is rendered harmless by a Biblical blessing
Numbers 6:24-26 GW
The Lord will bless you and watch over you.
[25] The Lord will smile on you and be kind to you.
[26] The Lord will look on you with favor and give you peace.‘
– immediately after you are cursed [insulted or offended] by someone verbally, like a snake bite, administer healing
1 Thessalonians 5:15 GW Make sure that no one ever pays back one wrong with another wrong. Instead, always try to do what is good for each other and everyone else.
Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you. Bless them, and don’t curse them.
1 Corinthians 4:12 We wear ourselves out doing physical labor. When people verbally abuse us, we bless them. When people persecute us, we endure it.
/ many Christians find instant freedom by speaking the blessing of Numbers when hurt
The Lord will bless you and watch over you. [25] The Lord will smile on you and be kind to you. [26] The Lord will look on you with favor and give you peace.‘
/ instead of hurt, love and concern fill their hearts
– which is needed to restore your offender
You Must Correct Your Faults before You confront your Offender
Matthew 7:5
You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye. Then you will see clearly to remove the piece of sawdust from another believer’s eye.
– lack of love for others is a great wrong
1 Corinthians 13:2 NKJV And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
Understand The Cause Before Confronting Them
WRONG WAY TO CONFRONT…
“You hurt me, and I want an apology!”
– do not tell him his fault from your perspective!
– He already justified himself
– instead be open and listen to his side of the story
– you must be open to learn what God is trying to teach you
– humbly listen to him, respond to what God is teaching you
– if you do not really love God with all your heart, He allowed this to stir you up to return to Him
– God constantly did this to the nation of Israel
– He does not change, He also continues this corrective action to Christians today…
– He could not hurt you without God allowing it “for good”
James 4: 1-11 NKJV
1 Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. 4 Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”? 6 But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”
7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. 11 Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge.
James 3:5-6
5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.
1/ Is he offended by my blind spots?
– a habit, mannerism offensive to others, but unnoticed by us
– is it a character flaw?
– God will raise up a loving friend or cruel enemy to make us aware
2/ Is he reacting to a previous wrong I did to him?
– remember your tongue
2 Samuel 16:5-8
5 Now when King David came to Bahurim, there was a man from the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei the son of Gera, coming from there. He came out, cursing continuously as he came. 6 And he threw stones at David and at all the servants of King David. And all the people and all the mighty men were on his right hand and on his left. 7 Also Shimei said thus when he cursed: “Come out! Come out! You bloodthirsty man, you rogue! 8 The LORD has brought upon you all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose place you have reigned; and the LORD has delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom your son. So now you are caught in your own evil, because you are a bloodthirsty man!”
3/ Is he responding for something he said or did to his friend?
– most people who are offended tell others
– they will share their feelings
– often friends are more angered than the person offended
– Shimei believed David had committed great offense against his family, the house of King Saul
4/ Is God using this offender to force you to repent of loving something other than God
– He will raise up enemies to correct you
5/ Is he calling out for help?
– troubled people tend to lash out at everyone
– does he did someone to accept and gently love him?
Reconciliation Takes Careful Steps
Matthew 18:15-17 (NLT2)
15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.
16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.
17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.
1/ Go and show him his fault alone
Proverbs 25:8-10 Do not be in a hurry to go to court. What will you do in the end if your neighbor disgraces you? [9] Present your argument to your neighbor, but do not reveal another person’s secret. [10] Otherwise, when he hears about it, he will humiliate you, and his evil report about you will never disappear.
2/ If he will not listen bring one or two witnesses
3/ If they refuse to then hear, include the whole church
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